My First True Love

I liked how you kept us guessing and thinking that it was like your wife! But it got me thinking when you talked about you walking to her for the first time. I also thought it was sweet you made it about your mom. Nice job.

thanks everyone for the review I'll work on it and by the way blondeshorhty its from the heart

Awwwww that is sooo sweet I think whoever this girl is she is very lucky!!!! That is the sweetest thing I have read so far!!!!

Human Host of Horus here to review.

I have heard so many people
talk about their first love,
today I'll tell of mine,
my first true love. I don't feel this last line is needed, but I suppose it can stay.

She loved me and still loves me,
her love for me is undying,
she showed this by the things she sacrificed for me.

She gave me my first kiss,
and though i I do not remember how it felt,
I know it must have been wonderful.

Agreed on the stanza part.

Every minute of the day she cuddles me,
sings love songs to me,
with the sound of her beautiful voice I sleep and wake up,
even when I wimps Agreed on the whimper. she still bears with me,
she fed me and guarded me with her life.

The first day I talked to her she cried of joy,
the first time i I walk to her she couldn't stop smiling.
A beautiful and angelic queen like her who can find, Agreed here too. It is just a little awkward.
and after all these years she still loves me,
she still brings that sparkle into my life with her smiles.

A love with no expiry date I found with her, Don't know that I like expiry date, but that is up to you.
and even though she did not share me,
with anyone for 9 months,
she still can't have enough of me.

That is why I LOVE HER,
that is why she is my FIRST TRUE LOVE,
and no one i I mean no one,
can ever take her place in my heart.
MUM, I LOVE YOU FOREVER

YOUR MOM IS SOOOOOOO LUCKY!!!!!!!! *sniff* that was beautiful, but i kind of guessed it, did you mean it to be that easy?

I really like this poem! It is so good! I know it has most likely taken you a very long time indeed to complete and form, but hey, it's great! If there is anyone who disagrees with me then they defiantly have some strange issue that is so unknown to society. Oh well! We will tell them what's right! By the way, this poem is Amazing!

Awww! This was so sweet! You've done really well here. However, I think the poem started strong yet weakened toward the end. Aswell, you seemed to abuse punctuation, flinging it here and there without much thought. This affected the flow, unfortunately. Nitpick!

EL FINITO wrote:I have heard so many people
talk about their first love, - ;
today I'll tell of mine, - :
my first true love.

She loved me and still loves me, - ;
her love for me is undying,
she showed this - new stanza - by the things she sacrificed for me.

She gave me my first kiss,
and though i I do not remember how it felt,
I know it must have been wonderful,
- new stanza here - every minute of the day she cuddles me,
sing love songs to me,
with the sound of her beautiful voice I sleep and wake up,
even when I wimps whimper she still bears with me,
I think this should be a new, single-line stanza - she fed me and guarded me with her life.

The first day I talked to her she cried of with joy,
the first time i walked to her she couldn't stop smiling.
A beautiful and angelic queen like her who can find, this sentance is too complicated: try something simpler, like: 'She's beautiful: an angelic queen'and after all these years she still loves me,
she still brings that sparkle into my life with her smiles.

A love with no expiry date I found with her,
and even though she did not share me, - scrap this -
with anyone for 9 months,
she still can't have enough of me.

That is why I LOVE HER,
that is why she is my FIRST TRUE LOVE,
and no one i mean no one,
can ever take her place in my heart.
MUM, I LOVE YOU FOREVER